We’ve all experienced jealousy in our lives…whether it’s been directed at us from others or whether we are the culprits ourselves. In high school, I can freely admit to being jealous of the pretty girls who always got the guys – the very ones I had a crush on. (Is it wrong to admit that I’ve seen a few recently and well…let’s just say I’m feeling pretty good about how I’ve aged over the years?) In college, I was jealous of my roommates who didn’t have to work three jobs like I did to put myself through school. They could party, spend their afternoons studying, and go to bed at a decent time, unlike me. Their parents paid all their bills…yes they were spoiled…but I loved them. They had time to pledge a sorority while I was stuck in Delta Kappa Sleepy. lol
It’s normal and an often complicated part of life to experience jealousy but it’s what you do with those feelings that make the difference. Will you use those emotions to catapult yourself to a new level of greatness – help you to realize the potential in yourself or will you use them to bring others down as you “hate” on their possessions and talent. I opt for the former. I’ve seen acts motivated by jealousy and it’s never gratifying. Someone typically gets hurt and the results can be disastrous. I’m a firm believer in karma; that how you handle your affairs will return by way of blessing or curse.
If someone is more accomplished than you then perhaps it’s time to expand your horizons. Take some classes, practice…work harder. Trying to get someone fired, bad-mouthing or back-stabbing will never make you better. It will not eliminate the other person’s skills. They’ve achieved prominence because of their drive and tenacity. You want the shine from their star to dim but no matter what you do…it’ll continue to gleam brightly. Trying to break their spirit will only make them more resolute.
If you want your bosses’ job discover what he/she did to attain that position and strive to advance. Perhaps additional schooling is required. Model yourself after him/her and eventually you can be where they are or greater. Don’t hate – let that fire and desire take you higher.
What if we all took a person under our wing and taught them what we know instead of looking at everyone as competition (#payitforward). I embrace all the writers of the world. They make me want to excel. I read a book and think wow; I need to be that clever or skilled. Do I think I’m the best out there…absolutely not. I’m proficient at what I do and no one has what I have – my mind, my imagination and my experiences. Yes, I’m ingenious, driven, and a bit insane (lol) but it’s where life has taken me thus far that makes me who I am as a creative force. No one can duplicate that…period. I can write all genres from horror, suspense, and thrillers to comedy, romance, and sci-fi. I can pen a poem and scribe a play. I can sit down and write a song if the desire hits me. I’m versatile. How did I get that way? Practice and hard work but most importantly I’m willing to learn from other writers rather than be jealous of their talent. I’m available to teach someone even if that means they will one day be as good as I am or even surpass me. I’m okay with that. Competition is a good thing. It keeps me on my toes and constantly striving to be the best. If you’re number one then where else is there for you to go?
Over the years, I’ve had ideas stolen and work plagiarized. I’ve been lied on, cheated, and hurt…all in the name of jealousy. Whether it’s personally or professionally…jealousy reigns followed closely by hate. It’s an entity whose aura is palpable. You can feel it as it encompasses and tries to control. It doesn’t matter who the person is. It could be a family member, co-worker, spouse or a “friend.” Like a piranha, it eats away at you until there’s nothing left. It makes you ugly on the inside and the out.
Here’s my story: I was a film major for a year and a half in college. I changed it my junior year for financial reasons and because of jealousy from other students. Being in that class was intimidating. I was the only black person and one of three females. The professor let us know from the very beginning that he didn’t give out A’s. No first year film student deserved an A was his exact words. Each film was critiqued by the class and your grade was influenced by each student’s opinion. I was teamed up with 2 male partners. One person’s job was to film, the other lighting and arranging the sets, and if it was your film then you directed. I got rave reviews from the professor whenever I was in charge of filming. It was clear that my partners were jealous and when it was my project they wouldn’t show up. I didn’t tell on them; I just did everything myself. That only incensed them further because despite the class’ lack of enthusiasm for my films, the professor loved my ideas and execution. My alienation in the class grew which only made me perform harder. I wanted to be the first beginning film student to get an A and at this juncture I had a B average. My final mark would be decided solely by the professor which meant I had to give it my all in order to earn the elusive grade. I needed my partners’ assistance to complete my final project but once again they were nowhere to be found. I was on my own and panicked but had something to prove.
I asked my two roommates, my favorite drama queens, to star in my final film. The movie was based off of a short story I’d written in English class that earned me an A+ and honorable mention in a writing contest. I had no intention on competing but my English professor encouraged me to do so. It was exciting and a great experience since it was published in the campus magazine – my second time having something I’d written in print. Students I didn’t know would approach me on campus and ask for my autograph like I was a celebrity. They told me someday I’d be famous and wanted my signature now. I’m not going to lie – I enjoyed the attention and it made me more confident in my writing. I wasn’t getting total support from my family therefore I enjoyed the patronage of strangers.
It took me four days to shoot my final project. I felt the story was inspired and had a surprising ending. My roommates did an excellent job bringing it to life. I used symbolism and shadowing to portray the story. I can be enigmatic and dark and this time it really paid off for me. I remember smiling as I edited it. I was going to get an A, I could feel it. My film For the Love of Christy was going to make history.
The day my class reviewed the final films I sat in the last row nervously biting my nails. The best film would get the privilege of using the editing room for free the following year and for someone who was struggling with three jobs that was a godsend.
My movie ended on the big screen. There was complete silence in the room. The only sound was my own tattered breathing. I held my breath…waiting. Suddenly, someone stood up and clapped quickly followed by others. I rejoiced. My film was a success. Perhaps all the money and time I took away from my other classes was worth it. I got confirmation later when the professor announced I got an A. I did it!
I came back the following year ready to exceed. I wanted to be the female Spike Lee but was in for a rude awakening. My classmates’ hate for me was even stronger. They were brutal on my films and wouldn’t talk to me outside of class. Sadly, I needed them. We were doing more intensive projects and there was no way I could do it alone. I tried to make friends but they were jealous. The professor’s continued praise of my achievement the previous year only made matters worse. I would always be known as the student who got an A in beginning film class. It was hard for me as a 19-year- old and I did the unthinkable – I dropped out of film and changed my major to Journalism. I was already stressed because of the money it took to rent the equipment and buy the film – I just couldn’t do it anymore. I allowed jealousy and my personal fear of success to change the direction of my life. Who knows where I would be if I’d stayed in that major? I have no regrets though. It’s given me the opportunity to focus on writing which I know is my gift…the talent that God has bestowed on me. I learned a lot of lessons from that time. Jealousy starts with doubt and a lack of self esteem. Be confident in yourself and your abilities. Always work hard to be the best you that you can be. Don’t try and be someone else or take what they have. Treat others with kindness and respect and it will come back to you tenfold. Remember you reap with you sow. Hate begets hate but love can save the world.
